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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635520">Could've Been An Angel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels'>crowleyhasfeels</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Online Relationship, Secrets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:53:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,164</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been lying to his best friend, Dean, for a year. Now it is time to come clean and he fears he is about to lose the best part of his life. But Dean deserves to know the truth. Though, Dean might not be as in the dark as Castiel imagines.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Could've Been An Angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>              Castiel hesitated as he lifted the top of his laptop and settled onto his bed. He was supposed to talk with Dean tonight. They talked every night, eight o’clock on the dot. Castiel had never been late for one of these chats. He looked forward to them all day. It was wrong, he knew this. Dean was his best friend. They had been best friends since the first day of High School. Castiel had just moved to town and Dean said it was a breath of fresh air to see someone he hadn’t seen every day since he started Kindergarten. It was a small town. Castiel was grateful. But that was not what made talking to Dean wrong. Dean was in love with him. No, not him. Jimmy. Dean was in love with Jimmy, the guy Castiel had made up in order to talk freely with Dean.</p>
<p>              As Jimmy, he told Dean everything. He told him about being gay and how hard his home life was. Dean knew about Castiel’s home life to the degree that Castiel had shared it with him but he never wanted to burden Dean with all of it. Things were not easy in Dean’s life either and he never wanted to be another obstacle or source of stress for him. But as Jimmy, they shared in their pains together. It was there that he learned that Dean was bisexual, how he didn’t care about anything except making sure his brother succeeded in life and his best friend. Castiel wanted to tell him the truth, tell him that it was his best friend that he had been talking to for the past year, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was in love with Dean and Dean had told him that he loved him back. Dean loved Jimmy and, as wrong as it was, Castiel was not ready to lose that love. He needed that love.</p>
<p>              But all of that was coming to an end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Could’ve_been_an_angel</em> <em>has signed on</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Like clockwork.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> I do enjoy being punctual.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> How was your day?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Kind of a nightmare. But better now?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Why is that?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel] </strong>Why was it a nightmare? Or why is it better now?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Both.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> It was a nightmare because my parents have been fighting all day.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel] </strong>I almost wish at this point that one of them would just leave.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I’m sorry Jimmy.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> It’s okay. As I said, it’s better now.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> And why is that?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Because you are here.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I could have been here earlier.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> I know.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I’ve been thinking a lot today.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Am I going to like where this is going?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Probably not.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> But I am going to tell you what I was thinking anyway.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Unless you really don’t want to know.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> I always want to know what you are thinking. You know that.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Good.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I was thinking that tomorrow we should meet.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel] </strong>How is that even possible?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Well, we pick a place, we show up.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> It’s pretty simple.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> and how do you expect us to get to the same place by tomorrow.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I have faith.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> You have lost your mind.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Jimmy?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Yeah?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Do you love me?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> You know I love you.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Do you want to be with me?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> More than anything.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Good.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> So, tomorrow at noon, I will be at Lava Jave on 12<sup>th</sup>.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I hope to see you there.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> But Dean?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> How will I?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I guess you will figure it out or you won’t.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> And what happens if I can’t show up?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Then I will know for sure.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Know what for sure?</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Whether or not you love and want to be with me.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> That isn’t fair.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Neither is us not being together.</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> Dean</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Jimmy?</p>
<p><strong>[could’ve_been_an_angel]</strong> I have to go.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> I figured you would.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> See you tomorrow, Jimmy.</p>
<p><strong>[impalas_and_pies]</strong> Or maybe I won’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Could’ve_been_an_angel has logged off. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>              Castiel slammed the top of his laptop down and tossed it to the end of his bed. Everything he had been fighting to hold on to had come to an end. He was going to lose Dean. Well, Jimmy was going to lose Dean but it was a part of Dean that Castiel needed. He needed to be able to tell Dean that he loves him. He needed to be able to hear about the parts of his day that Dean kept locked up inside and didn’t share with him. Sure, Dean told him enough but he never opened up to Castiel the way that he did with Jimmy and he was losing that. Either way, he was losing a big part of Dean.</p>
<p>              Now was the real problem. Did he not show up tomorrow and lose a small part of Dean or did he show up, admit to him the truth, and potentially lose all of Dean?</p>
<p>              “Fuck,” Castiel ran his hand down his face and tried to calm his mind.</p>
<p>              He didn’t know what to do and he couldn’t turn to the one person he would normally turn to during his time of need. Or maybe he could. Reaching for his phone, Castiel made one of the stupidest decisions he’d ever made. He texted Dean.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>[Cas] Hey, are you up?</p>
<p>[Dean] Slightly. What’s up?</p>
<p>[Cas] I am just having a bad night.</p>
<p>[Dean] Well, that is what I am here for dude. What’s up?</p>
<p>[Cas] Just have a lot of stuff going on and now I have to make a decision.</p>
<p>[Cas] I hate making decisions.</p>
<p>[Dean] What do you have to decide?</p>
<p>[Cas] I don’t really know how to explain it completely.</p>
<p>[Cas] I just know, that either option is not going to end well for me?</p>
<p>[Dean] What does that mean? Are you okay man?</p>
<p>[Cas] Yes. I am okay. And I am not in danger or anything.</p>
<p>[Cas] I just know that I am going to be hurt for a while either way.</p>
<p>[Cas] But that is okay too.</p>
<p>[Dean] How is you being hurt okay?</p>
<p>[Cas] Because I am not worried about me.</p>
<p>[Dean] Who are you worried about.</p>
<p>[Cas] Other parties in my situation.</p>
<p>[Dean] And who would this or these parties be?</p>
<p>[Cas] I wish I could tell you and someday, I will.</p>
<p>[Dean] Do these other parties get affected differently, decided on which you choose?</p>
<p>[Cas] Yes and no.</p>
<p>[Dean] What does that mean?</p>
<p>[Cas] They will be hurt either way.</p>
<p>[Cas] But I think one way will hurt less.</p>
<p>[Dean] So, is that the decision you are going to choose?</p>
<p>[Dean] The one that hurts them less?</p>
<p>[Cas] It’s the one I want to choose.</p>
<p>[Cas] But, it’s also the wrong decision.</p>
<p>[Dean] Then it sounds to me like you already made up your mind.</p>
<p>[Cas] I did?</p>
<p>[Dean] Come on, Cas. I know you. You always make the right decision.</p>
<p>[Dean] And, if making the right decision falls apart on you. I promise I’ll be by your side.</p>
<p>[Cas] I hope so.</p>
<p>[Cas] Thanks, Dean. I’ll talk to you later.</p>
<p>[Dean] You going to be okay, Cas?</p>
<p>[Cas] I don’t know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>              Castiel plugged in his phone and set it on his nightstand. He hadn’t got the answer that he’d wanted, but he got the one he needed. Tomorrow, he was going to show up at the coffee shop. He was going to tell Dean that truth. Dean deserved the truth.</p>
<p>_____</p>
<p> </p>
<p>              Castiel changed his clothes several times before landing on his usual attire. It was stupid to care about what he looked like. Dean had seen him a million times over. What he wore was not going to change the outcome of the situation.</p>
<p>              “Shit,” Castiel grumbled to himself, looking down at his phone.</p>
<p>              He was supposed to be at the coffee shop at noon, and it was almost twelve-thirty. If only his mother hadn’t stopped him on the way out of the door to quiz him on where he was going to be and why he was always spending so much time with Dean. His parents never liked Dean. Dean was wild, didn’t believe in God, and drove a death trap of a car. But that was all the more reason to love him. Shit, maybe this was a bad idea. He wasn’t ready to lose Dean. But Dean deserved the truth and he was going to get it.</p>
<p>              When he reached the front door to the coffee shop, Castiel stopped to take a deep breath and try to gather his thoughts. He could do this. But he couldn’t do this. He had to do this. Then he spotted Dean, sitting at a table, leaned back against a chair, two cups sitting in front of him and he was looking right at Cas. He didn’t seem angry or shocked or anything, maybe he hadn’t caught on yet. He just assumes Castiel was coming for coffee. This was one of Castiel’s favorite places to get coffee.</p>
<p>              Before he could contemplate whether or not to go inside, Dean was waving him in. Shit. Maybe he didn’t have to tell him. He could go in and Dean could confide in him about being stood up by Jimmy. He could comfort Dean and then he could wait the rest of his life to die and go to hell, where he obviously belongs.</p>
<p>              “Hey,” Dean greeted him with a smile as he approached the table.</p>
<p>              “Hey,” Castiel greeted him back but he couldn’t seem to form a smile to match.</p>
<p>              “Honey Bear Latte?” Dean asked, grabbing one of the coffee cups in front of him and handing it to Cas.</p>
<p>              Castiel took the cup from Dean, looking it over. This was his drink order. Why was Dean ordering him a drink? Did he mention something as Jimmy and Dean decided to give it to him since Jimmy hadn’t arrived?</p>
<p>              “You can sit down,” Dean held back a laugh. “People are starting to stare.”</p>
<p>              “Oh,” Castiel whispered before looking around and sitting down. “I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”</p>
<p>              “I uh,” Dean’s smile faded and his face became more serious. “I didn’t think you were going to show.”</p>
<p>              Then it all clicked. Dean had ordered Castiel’s drink order because he knew that it was him who was going to show up; if he’d decided to show up. Dean had known that it was him. But how? Was it from the texts that Castiel sent him last night about his dilemma? Had he known for longer? Why wasn’t he angrier that Castiel was sitting in front of him and not Jimmy?</p>
<p>              “I almost didn’t,” Castiel admitted.</p>
<p>              “I am glad you did.”</p>
<p>              “How long?” Castiel asked.</p>
<p>              “How long what?” Dean questioned back.</p>
<p>              “Have you known that it was me?” Castiel filled in the blanks.</p>
<p>              “A few weeks in,” Dean admitted.</p>
<p>              “ A few weeks?” Castiel asked, nearly spitting out the coffee he’d just taken a sip of.</p>
<p>              He set the cup down, deciding that drinking coffee was not the best option at this time. He needed to keep his mouth clear.</p>
<p>              “Why didn’t you say anything?”</p>
<p>              “Why didn’t you?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrow at Cas.</p>
<p>              “Because I,” Castiel started to answer but he stopped. Why had he lied to his best friend for the last year?</p>
<p>              “Because you what?”</p>
<p>              “Because I wanted to talk to you,” Castiel admitted.</p>
<p>              “You talk to me every day.” Dean frowned at this.</p>
<p>              “Yeah, I know,” Castiel confirmed. “But there were things I wanted to tell you, needed to tell you, that I couldn’t say to your face.”</p>
<p>              “Like how you love me?”</p>
<p>              “That would be one of the things,” Castiel nearly laughed out his answer. This was not how he’d expected any of this to go.</p>
<p>              “You couldn’t tell me to my face?”</p>
<p>              “Of course not,” Castiel shook his head. “How do you tell your best friend that you are in love with them. Your very straight best friend.”</p>
<p>              “But you know that isn’t true either.” Dean reminded him.</p>
<p>              “I didn’t know that at the time.” Castiel informed him.</p>
<p>              “Can you now?”</p>
<p>              “Can I what?” Castiel asked, confused about what was going on. Why wasn’t Dean angry with him?</p>
<p>              “Tell me to my face now.” Dean insisted.</p>
<p>              “I don’t know if I …” Castiel could feel his heart begin to race.</p>
<p>              “Here, I’ll make it easier for you,” Dean said as he stood up and began to pull his chair to Castiel’s side of the table. “Castiel Novak?”</p>
<p>              “Yeah?”</p>
<p>              “I love you,” Dean whispered before leaning in and softly pressing his lips to Castiel’s.</p>
<p>              The kiss was soft but Castiel could feel everything in it. He could feel that Dean loved him and that he wasn’t angry. He could feel that this was all going to work out the way it was supposed to.</p>
<p>              “I love you too, Dean Winchester.”</p>
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